Free Range Parenting

Did you know that there was a movement out there called Free Range Kids? It is an attempt to re-capture the ideas that children should be able to more freely explore their neighborhoods and community.

Statistically, there are fewer (not more) violent crimes committed today than when I was growing up. And there are NO MORE stranger abductions or molestations than when I was a kid (we just hear about it more on the fear-mongering news programs in the US). So, the danger is actually less for our kids, but our perception is that there is more danger.

So, at the age of 5 - what were you doing? Were you able to play outside in your yard with your friends without your parents having to be outside? Were you able to walk to the store to buy penny candy? Were you able to cross the street to get to the store? Were you riding the bus to school by yourself?

What about age 10? Were you riding your bike freely through the neighborhood? Were you exploring undeveloped plots of land or creating adventures at the creek/pond/whatever? Were you playing outside with groups of friends in other people's yard? Were you trusted to walk to the park or neighborhood recreational center? Were you allowed to take the bus to go somewhere? Were you walking yourself to school?

I was.

Was I ever approached inappropriately by strangers? Yes. Was I ever threatened by bullies? Yes. Was I ever in the wrong place (tresspassing) or venturing just a bit too far? Yes. Did I do things that would make my mother's hair turn grey? Yes. Did I ever get hurt and have to be taken to the hospital? Yes.

But, would I have been better off being sheltered in my home? Monitored by my parents? Overseen by other adults? Protected from possible dangers? No. No. No. No. I don't think so.

In today's world, we seem to have a parenting approach that prefers sheltering over exploration. Monitoring over mistakes. Protection over injury. What are we telling our children when we raise them this way? What does Lyra think about the world? Will she feel safe walking down the street as an adult? or will she feel an overwhelming sense of doom approaching around every corner? Will she see the world as being full of wonderful people (with a few weirdos, creeps and psychos sprinkled in) or will the world be full of psychos and creeps with the occassional surprisingly wonderful person?

There's something to be said about the spirit of adventure that today's kids are missing out on. A sense of being a responsible person. An understanding that they can be trusted to navigate their community. An expectation that they will make good choices as they move through the neighborhood or are approached by people. An anticipation that most of the people they meet will be kind and friendly.

The frustrating thing is that even if I wanted to choose Free Range Parenting, could I? Would other people view me as putting my child in danger. If you saw a 5-year old at the corner store buying candy without her parents there - what would you think/do? What about a 10-year old riding her bike to school nearly 1 mile away?

To me, the implications for Lyra and how she is allowed to live her life are huge. Because where do I draw the line? If I don't trust her to ride her bike a mile away at 10 will I trust her to choose her curriculum at school? Will she feel the confidence to know that she has the wherewithal to handle what life will throw at her? Am I communicating to her that I don't think she can handle it?

Someone wrote, "I'm raising adults - not children". That has resonated with me. I've been pondering that statement a lot. I like the perspective it puts on things.